A while back, I was invited to speak at the Oyster River diversity panel as a non-visible minority. I am Muslim, but unlike my Indonesian friend, Murni who is an immigrant, non-white, and chooses to cover her hair with a headscarf- I blend into my Durham, NH community. At first, I thought it makes more sense for Murni to speak on this panel since after all it is a “diversity panel” and I do not look the part. 

But I quickly realized that it is not Murni’s job as an immigrant to teach us that “all people are created equal”, which we seemed to have forgotten. She is an immigrant; she comes from a place of acceptance and tolerance and now faces discrimination here in the land of so-called “equality for all”. When I asked her to be part of this panel to discuss how her children have been received by our community, “she said she would prefer if I told her story since she doesn’t want to cry in front of so many people”. It’s hard to imagine what it feels like to have your children treated unkindly by their peers and sometimes even teachers on a daily basis.  It shouldn’t be up to her as the victim to have to appeal to us to stop our abuses. It was at this point in time that I realized my unique role in educating those of us who are privileged, through no fault of our own, in this society.  The task of teaching about the overt and covert racism that affects people representing a minority be it religious, color, racial, gender, gender expression, sexual orientation, disability or national origin is far from complete. 

My friend Murni and her husband, Intan, immigrated to NYC from Indonesia over twenty years ago – their children Amisha and Basuki were born in the U.S. They moved to NH last year. I met Murni a couple of years ago and can’t name all the ways she has enriched my life. She taught me about humility, generosity, charity, tolerance, and kindness. We spend time together visiting immigrant families in dire need and her interactions are so full of respect and acceptance that these people feel very comfortable taking our assistance and talking about things that might otherwise make them feel very vulnerable. She has a way of making them feel like they are longtime friends of hers even though she has just met them. She truly empathizes as soon as she hears someone’s tragic story. 

There are many, many reasons I have come to appreciate Murni and her family, but unfortunately not everyone is given this chance due to their own prejudices. I am saddened that people don’t have access to get to know Murni and her family because they block themselves from this opportunity. And an opportunity it is! Here are people from half way around the world choosing to live in NH, which is far less welcoming than NYC, Murni always tells me, as she threatens to move back – an opportunity right at our doorstep. We should feel honored that they are here and make them feel welcome to the point that they never want to leave. 

We cut ourselves out of some of the most valuable experiences of our lives when we exclude some people as we define ourselves in opposition to the “other”. Let’s instead approach others with an open mind and allow ourselves to discover aspects of ourselves that we can find a new appreciation for.  We have a lot to gain in our acceptance and appreciation of diversity. How has your life been personally enriched by getting to know someone different from yourself?

by

Brigitte Herz